I don’t know if you caught this from a recent article I wrote called “Talking Duggars” but I really admire and respect the Duggar way of life. I think it is absolutely crazy for the most part the choices this couple has made regarding family planning. They have left the amount of children they were going to have completely in God’s hands and God decided that He was going to blessed them with a huge family.
The idea of me having that many kids is mind blowing. I think it would be wonderful and very hard if my life went in that direction. My heart desires to have a big family too (not that big though), but “the world” makes that idea seem foolish. Sometimes, I even get the impression that some people feel sorry for me.
Every time I pray, I pray and ask God to make me the woman he designed me to be, and then I have tried my best to listen to His voice and follow His calling on my life. For many years I have struggled with becoming the person that feels natural to me, because that person is completely different than the people around me or the people you see the most on t.v.
I pray God gives me the courage to stand firm in who I am and the choices I make, despite what people in my life think. I know I am not foolish and I have seen these people live their lives to suit themselves and make their choices, and the way their life looks, it doesn’t seem like a better alternative to me. It doesn’t look like a road to true joy, peace and Godly blessings.
I recently watched a video on YouTube entitled “What is Courage? A Motivational Speech feat. Martin Sheen” and from all his empowering words, these words stood out to me most “my fondest wish for each and every one of you young people here today is that you will find something in your life worth fighting for, because when you do, you will have discovered a way to unite the will of the spirit to the work of the flesh. And all of humanity will have discovered fire for the second time. It is my profound wish that the light from that fire will illuminate your path to that place where the heart is without fear and the head is held high, where knowledge is free.”
With words like that said time and time again in so many ways by so many speakers, it stands to reason that anything in this life worth having is worth fighting for. So what am I fighting for? I guess I am fighting for God’s voice to be heard through my voice and God himself to be seen through me.
I represent the women of this world, who desire to stay true to God’s original design for a woman. To be a wife, a mother and nurturer to our world’s future. This is not to judge women who have chosen different paths but to ask to not to be judged for the path I have chosen because it is my birthright as a woman of God.
I think about birth control and I wonder, what am I doing to my body? Am I supposed to be changing up the natural function it was designed for? After all, God is a master designer and He knows what He is doing. I hate taking a pill everyday and not fully understanding what it does to my body, other than preventing me from bringing another life into this world.
In fact, none of these birth control options (IUD’s, Implant, Shot) appeal to me, for the same very questions. What am I really putting into my body and what is it really doing to my body? Only its creators know and understand what it is made of and what it is supposed to do. Only God knows what it is really doing and what else it does other than what it is supposed to do.
Previously I have used birth control pills (reg and mini) and I struggled to remember to take them on time every day, secondly I’ve tried the Implant and I hated it (that is an article for another time) and we have also used condoms- which my husband and I both hate because to us it deadens the intimacy and joy of marital love-making.
I have just had my fourth living child, fifth delivery and I have yet to organize birth control. Medical professionals come off as though it is socially irresponsible of me not to use some form of birth control. They did ask in the Hospital, from my experience they ask all throughout pregnancy and practically the day after I gave birth. I told them I haven’t decided yet.
I thought about using the IUD, spoke to three people who used and recommended it, but something in my spirit changed my mind. However, I went to the clinic near my home to get something organized, for fear of getting pregnant right now. I eventually settled on using “Depo-Provera” (the shot) but they were out of it and said I had to come back on Monday. This was a Friday, a week before Christmas, so I decided, I’ll try again after Christmas.
I procrastinated and now two weeks after Christmas, still no birth control. Something in my spirit feels so off about messing with the natural order of my female body. I feel like God may be telling me not to.
I have thought about using the Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAM). That is a scary choice. It will take faith and responsibility on my part. Do I have the courage? Should I leave when and how many children I have in God’s hand?
Truth is, my heart is still fully open to the idea of having more children and to having a big family. Truly, I’d like not to have more right now, but to take a two-three year hiatus from having more babies. To grow our family’s business and come to a place of more financial security.
Nevertheless, I don’t doubt for a minute that God would provide our needs no matter how many children we have. He has so far. I believe that our plans and God’s plans could be vastly different and all things work together for the good of those who love Him.
So will I have the courage to step out in faith and trust God to take control my body, our sex-life and family size or do I take matters in my own hands and conform to the ways of this world? What would Jesus do, if He was a woman or what would He tell a young woman asking Him what she should do? I think I already know the answer.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Roman 12:2
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:25-27
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