For the last few months, I’ve been working hard to renew my mind, body and soul, I’ve been exercising, doing devotions, praying, taking care of kids, husband, home and my work towards one day being a renowned writer. I was doing great too, but as my efforts to build myself up as a stronger soldier in God’s army increased, the devil has increased his efforts to attack and destroy me; and you wouldn’t believe his weapon of choice.
I have to tell you, Satan is extremely good at what he does and I have seen how far he could go to destroy you; what and who he could use. He can use people who are suppose to be on your side, even people whose job is to prepare you and help you combat against the devil’s schemes.
It amazes me, how the lost of my son didn’t destroy me, but the place and people who are in a position (God put them there) to help me heal, almost did. I am working really hard not to let that happen, but some days are harder than others and I find myself going into a serious place of depression. The funny thing is my son’s death is not what is making me feel lost and depressed; it is the hurt, frustration and anger of the unkindness and cruelty of someone who had the power to make such a difference in my healing process.
Now I have to try to let go of those feelings before they destroy me, but they keep popping up. Satan has found a new weakness and he is using it against me. So what do I do? This situation is beyond my control. So I leave it to God and I pray and pray hard.
According to my dad and Dr. Charles Stanley (In Touch Ministries), pray all day if you have to. I haven’t tried that yet, because when I get into this place of depression, I can’t seem to pull the words out to pray, the only words I could muster is “Please, God, help me.”
I got to keep on trying though; this is a battle I can’t afford to lose.