It has been a long time since I have published a new post on my blog. I have wanted to for so long because so much has changed over the last two years since my baby boy Kaiden died at six days old.
That was an experience that I someday want to write about in its entirety in a book. Right now the words only come to me in pieces and I haven’t quite figured out how to put it together yet. I am trusting in God to put the words on my heart when He is ready and it is the right time.
It is hard to believe that it has been almost two years since my precious Kaiden passed. Our family will be celebrating his 2nd birthday on 14th November. He was such a precious gift that God bestowed on our family. I still miss him dearly.
Kaiden was a very strong kid. He was a fighter. God sent him here to teach me to be a strong woman and a fighter. I am taking what I learnt and training myself to grow stronger and to fight everyday for my God, myself and my family.
During and after my season of fighting to save Kaiden’s life and enjoying what little time I had with him. I realized that I did not have the friends I thought I had. I saw firsthand what it looked like to not have your so-called friends around when you needed them most. So it was quite a heartbreaking and lonely season for my husband and me in more ways than one.
We left our church and the life we had known for the last four years to enter into the unknown. With few friends left, not knowing where God was leading us next. We visited a few churches in search of a new church home, so we could get back to serving the Lord as a family but none of these churches felt like home. I started to wonder if I would ever find a church that will feel like home.
A few months later, God led us to our new church home. It is not a perfect church, but it is with great certainty better than the one we left behind. Two years after losing friends, we have gained new ones, better ones.
2011, the year my son Kaiden was born and died six days later, was the hardest, most emotionally painful year of my life, 2012 was a good year but 2013 was a great year.
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
God has truly blessed our family over the last two years in so many ways. The greatest blessing of all was the birth of our third son and fourth born Kephraim. He is a blessing to my heart. He is not a replacement for Kaiden, he has carved his own place inside my soul. I love my four precious gifts (my children) very much and I thank God for them.
In the last two years I also took on a new responsibility as a homeschool mom. Last year I taught my daughter first grade while pregnant and balancing my three year old. This year I am teaching her second grade, my son pre-school and taking care of baby.
I didn’t know how I was going to do it but God has shown me how each time, and everyday I get it done. Some days are better than others but overall homeschooling in my opinion is definitely worth it.
So if you are reading this post and have any questions about motherhood, being a wife, homeschooling or losing a baby, I know a thing or two and may be able to help. Talk to me.