Parenting by far is one of the most heart wrenching, draining, hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and that’s only if you have one child. It multiplies for each additional child. Now I understand why people respond to be so strangely when I share my desire to have many children.
Many times, for each new pregnancy I’ve worried and question my own sanity. What am I doing? Am I crazy?
In these modern times, when people are too busy to be in each other lives and older woman are too busy living their own lives to carry out their role as teachers of the young (Titus 2 Women). I very much feel like I am on my own.
So of course, I doubt my chosen, God-ordained path as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of multiple children. I am pretty much on my own in this journey with no older women around to truly provide Godly wisdom. Not even my mother, who is more fearful, doubtful, depressed and confused than I.
My mother and father separated and divorced from the time I was six years old, and for the most part my mother raised me. My mother has struggled with the strongholds I mentioned above for as long as I have known her. She passed them on to me and now they are my strongholds as well.
Somehow along with those strongholds deep rooted in me, there is someone different, the optimistic, hopeful, artistic, passionate woman, mother and wife that I am. Those two battle every single day.
Truly, constantly in my parenting walk I feel like an empty vessel with no clue as to what I need to do, how to do it, and if I should do it at all. I am very much divinely led. Still, though I may be led by God, I am the one who has to walk the path. I am the one who has to walk strong, walk fearlessly, walk wisely. Very much I fail to stand strong and confident with my full armor protection the way I would like to.
Now even more than ever, I feel like that empty vessel. Out of her comfort zone in the valley of the unknown.
We moved about three months ago from where we were living for 90% of my parenting journey (moved there about exactly 8 years ago). We lived above my mother-in-law and she was our safety net.
Now we moved to a home we always dream of and prayed for, with big backyard and lots of room for our family’s new size. We are in a place where we have no family, no friends, no church home and no transportation as yet. We are captains of our own ship now, sink or sail is all on us.
By God’s grace, He has kept us so far and our ship has not sunk, but we have to be constantly on guard, keeping our hands on the helm.
So why did I choose to send my kids (4th grader & kindergartner) to school, well for the reasons I mentioned above.
Feeling like that unsure empty vessel.
Being a mother of multiples and struggling to give my children’s education what it deserves (my time and attention) because my two little ones demand so much of me.
Feeling like I am carrying the load of motherhood and wifehood on my own. No one to ask for help or Godly advice.
No church home, no friends, no family, no safety net in our new hometown.
No transportation to get around at the moment.
I want my children to make friends in our new hometown, I want them to gain experiences that I can‘t provide for them right now, I don’t want their education to suffer because I just can’t balance it all at this time.
My daughter will be turning 9 years old this week. She is an outgoing, energetic, athletic, inquisitive, artistic, passionate, confidant, people person. The best of both her parents. I feel like I am stifling who she is with just limiting her to our family bubble.
My 5 year old son is very intelligent– He has the mathematical mind of an engineer. I am often amazed by his intelligence. However, I feel he could use some practice in socializing with other kids. Learning how to deal with anger or frustration, learning how to share.
Mind you, my kids are not unsocialized hermits right now, they are very capable of confidently talking and playing with others. Despite, the fact of being homeschooled for the last three years. They are also well educated-so I don’t doubt my ability to teach them.
I just want them to experience more than our little world.
How do I feel about sending them to school, probably the way I feel about a lot of things, sad and afraid. I want to go on my kid’s educational and growing up journey with them.
I am a homeschool mom at heart. I know in my heart that I will be homeschooling again in the near future, but this is what is needed for this season.
I will trust God to watch over my kids when they are not with me and I am confident that our neighborhood elementary school is a safe one.
My kids will be just fine and this season will turn out just right.
Thank you for reading piece my heart.
Latisha…When we step out in faith and do what the Lord is laying on heart, it can be nerve wracking. Yet in trusting Him, we know He will see us through each step we take. Thank you for sharing your story. Visiting from Living Proverbs 31 Link Up.
Its a hard thing to decide on whether to send them to school or not. I struggled with this decision too but I knew in my heart that I couldn’t teach my kids. They have been in public school the whole time and they are fine, they are very intelligent well adjusted children. Just partner with them when they do home work and give them extra work when you think they need it and they will be fine! Thanks for sharing on Snickerdoodle Sunday!
We all must do what is best for ourselves and our families. If that looks like homeschooling, then so be it. If it looks like public school, then that’s OK too. Thanks for sharing #MommyMonday Blog Hop.
This makes perfect sense to me. While God doesn’t give us a Spirit of fear, so I am not saying you should base any decisions on it, I do think that moving to a new community and not knowing anyone sending your kids to school so they can meet people, make connections and ground themselves in the new area makes PERFECT sense. I’m actually contemplating something similar in that I only so far have a 1 year old daughter, but I hope to home school one day. However, I’m contemplating sending her to one year of school (debating between 3K, which probably 90% of the parents here do send their kids too, 4K or 5K) in order to let her make some friends and also to learn Hindi (I live in India but we speak English at home.) But I’m debating it, we might do enough other things outside the home that she won’t need that. I have a few years to decide. But I totally get it.
I’m sure this was not an easy decision to make. You will always be their first and most important teacher. They only have them a few hours in the day, you have them far longer and you have the strongest influence on them. Be confident in your decision and leave the rest at the feet of Jesus. He will take care of them. You will also find yourself making friends through the school, playdates and school functions. Which will help with you not feeling so isolated.
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Hi Latisha!
I really love the way you were so transparent in sharing your heart. What courage and bravery you display! So many times I’d like to be able to be as candid as you, but it’s a struggle, you know! :o)
I am a homeschooling mom myself, and I totally understand and support you (and your husband) in your decision to send the kids to public school. These are really tough decisions to make, especially when you have the heart of a homeschooling momma at the core. I too have a feeling that you’ll see those kiddo’s back at your kitchen table schooling sometime in the future. But for now, enjoy your little tots. And this is a GREAT way for your older kids to meet a ton of friends before returning home again. God is still in control!
I have a little blog where I strive to be a Titus 2 woman (I’m 45 with 6 kids ranging in ages 7-27). Please stop by for a visit and hopefully some encouragement in your journey. You’re not alone!
Blessings,
Tiffiney
WelcomeHomeMinsitry.com
Yes, you are still your children’s first teacher and influencer! My girls are t(w)eens who have always been in public schools. They are loving and spiritually minded and sweet seekers of Christ. May God bless and keep you in this new season. Stopping by from Good Morning Monday!
What a journey you have been on. Only you and your husband can make the decisions for your family and no one is in a position to judge you. I would encourage you to find a church family whet you can find like minded people and a support group who can be there for you and vise versa during though times. I appreciate you sharing so openly with us at Good Morning Mondays and may God bless you and your family as you start along the public school road. Blessings
I’m so sorry to hear you don’t have a safety net where you are. Please don’t let anyone try to guilt you. You and your husband are the ones in chrage, as you already know. God knows your heart, and He knows your limitations too. I suffer from depression, as well. I so wanted to homeschool, but I just couldn’t. Hopefully, you are feeling support from the blogging community.
Here from Monday Madness.
Hi, Latisha! I’m sure this is a difficult time for you, but I love how you recognize the need to make changes for a season. As a fellow mom of multiples, I know the wisdom in that! Thanks for linking with us at Grace and Truth last week! :)
Jen @ Being Confident of This
Thank you for sharing your heart with us at Mommy Moments Link Up last week. Big decisions like that are never easy, but praying for you and your family for peace and joy during this transition! I hope this can be a season of rest for you as well! This was the top viewed link at Mommy Moments last week and will be featured in the link up tomorrow! Congratulations and thank you for sharing!
For as much as I love homeschooling my kids, if I had a good public school that I could trust sending my kids to school I would do it in a heartbeat only because I can feel your pressure and feelings. (In fact, my last post was about that feeling.) I will pray that your kids education is a solid one and they have a positive experience in their new schools.
Oh you are doing a wonderful thing!! I want to wish you the best of luck and many blessings!
Latisha, I so wish were neighbors! We have so much in common. I have 8 children (17 to 3) and we have homeschooled for the past decade. Four of my children are in public school this year and I really have mixed feelings about it too. My husband is in the military so we move frequently. We have only lived here for 2 months so I don’t really have local friends. My family all lives in other states. As an Air Force pilot, my husband works long hours and is often out of town or deployed. I know how what it’s like to feel like it’s all on your shoulders. If it weren’t for Jesus, I wouldn’t make it! Praying for you, Friend!
Hi, what an important post. We as mothers need to support each other when it comes to decisions concerning our children’s education and literacy. I sent my daughter back to school too after keeping her home in third grade. I still think about homeschooling her, but she loves school. I will pray for you that you find friends and support in your new community. You have an anchor in God. :)
[…] this post (Why this homeschooling mom is sending her kids to school and how it makes me feel) I shared my reasons why and how I felt about it. Now it’s been about a month since they started […]
I completely understand the emotional struggles you describe! As a former homeschooled child (no children of my own yet) I think you are incredibly wise to view homeschooling as a tool in the process of raising your children, one that might be the best at a certain time and might not at others. *hugs* Your children will benefit from your wisdom!
I also relate to your struggles with a big move — a few months ago my husband and I moved to a new city / state / region, and it was a pretty big shock to my system. I pray y’all are settling in, finding a wonderful community base and church home!
I hope this year goes well for your children…because they have been raised in a good home, with loving parents, they will be able to positively influence the children around them. I hope you are able to find ways to meet new friends and find a safety net too!